last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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