she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
