I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
