Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
