My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
