i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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