Cold hands, warm shart.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
