I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
