no, he came in my armpit
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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