i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
