Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize