New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we're so committed to being not committed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
