capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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