i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
