I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
