home. puking in laundry basket.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The Olympian is in my bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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