And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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