There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
