you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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