The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
