hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
