I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't turn off my feet"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
