there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
