C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
