So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
