your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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