Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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