I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
