I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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