I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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