So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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