what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
