Plan B is the new Plan A
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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