Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
