it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
