She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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