A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
