Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
