you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
