so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
