The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
