i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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