I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
