Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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