like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
