OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
