Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
