he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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