really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
