She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Small penises have feelings too.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
