Life is so much better after having sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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