So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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