Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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