I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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