Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
