he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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