This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
