omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
